On the Farm

 I am not sure if this was taken before or after Paige and I were called "lazy Americans" (7x) and instructed by the mother of the house to "get me an Irish woman".  I am also not sure if this picture was taken before or after I was sexually molested by one of her dogs.  I do know this picture was taken on a farm in Ballymac, Co. Kerry.

I know for sure I was not sexually abused by the retriever on the right.  He was a gentleman.  It was one of those cheeky curly haired  Irish bitches. Bending down to get something on the ground resulted in my bare bum peaking out of my jeans. One of these feisty large animals came right up and stuck her tongue, in its entirety, directly down my ass crack. I didn't know what to do.  I had no vodka soda to splash in his face and I wasn't sure if it would bite back if I gave it a slap across the cheek.  Instead we just kind of looked at each other.  I lazily said "no" out loud, knowing it made no difference in teaching a lesson. I only said it because if I stayed silent I would feel like such a whore bag.  Get me an Irish woman, she would have known what to say if some dagg tried to toss her salad...